still, im in my winter of discontent

literally. today, all of this snow instantly made me think god was shouting "hey Monica, your winter isnt over! fuck you buddy!"
i was thinking this on my way to work and it instantly felt like an epiphany. a huge realization wrapped in a slap across the face wrapped in a snowball. i tried to give it a positive spin, and thought "things dont just get better, you need to keep working at it, happiness and contentment dont just fall in your lap because the calendar says it's march"

fuck you brain.

im going to give the chairman away for a month, which is really hard. i feel like over the past few months i've lost some pretty important people, or pushed away some important people, or have been left by important people. basically my life has been void of some of the more important people. i understand that a kittycat is not an important people, but im really going to hate saying goodbye. im starting to realize that i have major attachment issues. two epiphanies in one day. ridiculous.

27 is a weird age. my early 20's were all about fun, and now its caught up with me. i feel like im running out of time to make myself into who i want to be for the rest of my life. i just want to clear my debts, work as much as i can, save money and move away for a year. i should have done this years ago, but if im anything, its a procrastinator. its so selfish, that im not willing to allow anyone to leave me, but when im ready to leave i have no qualms regarding saying goodbye.

i was going to delete this, but maybe it wont be so depressing if i end it with the purpose of this blog; memories of happy times

this is may 8th, 2010. the alley between donlands subway station and the only cafe. in the 3 years i've lived at oakvale i've gone through this alley 4-5 out of 7 days. ive watched it evolve and always meant to photograph it.

this alley displays the prettiest sunsets, and its litter and over growth is always picturesque.

i feel like I've missed a lot of great opportunities to shoot this alley during its evolution.

there was a good stretch in the summer where one of the shop's alley entrance was covered in the brightest green ivy, and it had the perfect pea green velvet chair strewn in front of its graffiti covered door. it looked like it had been designed.

the store was purchased and the idiots who purchased it obviously didnt realize how beautiful it was, and they cleaned it up.

i, unfortunately am an idiot, and i never took the picture. takes two to tango, i suppose.

jan 27th, 2011 - aids takes a picture of me, katya and a very frightened looking chairman.

fur piles and family meetings.

july 22 2009, sloppy night with my two best friends, olga and mary at absinthe lounge in hess.

5:30am and netflix is down

it isn't 5:30am, but thats when the sirens are to sound, being all yelling and douchey screaming "fuck, monica. just get up. fuck" over and over.

my plan was to "relax" (done) eat a banana, shower (done) watch mad men, hang up some laundry and sleep early, super super early. i already took a gravol. i should be on my way to wind down town. detour :/

i'm now faced with the challenge of diverting from my original plan, and sure, an easy answer would be "just watch something else ding dong" but it isnt that easy, there isnt much i want to watch. that i already have at least, i need to be in the mood for something. that something was mad men.

there are so many things i should be doing right now;

-put in laundry

-study first aid stuff

-work email
-tidy room

-get stuff together for tomorrow

-clean out the fridge

maybe that isnt a lot, but its a lot when you just wanted to watch madmen and crash so you could wake up early. i feel a weird sense of guilt for not wanting to do any of these things right now, they're all things that you have to do to make the next day better, and easier. but i wanted to watch madmen.

now i need to think of something else to do that is fun and relaxing, but even that is a challenge. fun options;

-walk to blockbuster and see if your 'favourites pass' can get you some madmen (and go pay rogers bill, that should be on the other list

-write an entry in 'comedy journal' or work on something 'cookbook' related

-finish this blog by looking through and adding 'happy memories' pictures

-pick another movie to watch, or tv show to put on in the background while you tidy

-call a buddy, have fun catch up chats

sadly even the 'fun' options feel like they'd require too much effort. its weird to be so lethargic that even the thought of doing something fun feels like an impending pain in the ass.

on that note im going to pick fun option c) and look through some of my pictures for happy times. then i'll pick something to put on in the background while i tidy, and go to bed way too late.

this is jenn. she's one of my best buddies, she used to live under me, in the apartment below. we werent buddies. one day she moved to the west end to live with her then boyfriend, and we oddly became besties after she was gone. she left me to go back to montreal a few months back, but we're still good. she visits often and is actually coming to stay with me on thursday. we're going to make pasta and have adventures. i often wish she didnt move away.

jenn until recently taught highschool retards science, and through her educating others, learned a magnificent lesson herself; the sun is actually a star. jenn is a star in many ways herself. she's left the teaching rat(retard)race she is once again a student, and works in a book store. i think.

i chose this picture of jenn because it was the first i stumbled upon, and her tits looked slamming. jenn has a keen fashion sense, and slamming tits.

jenn's likes; deciding what kind of animal a person reminds her of, making you feel awkward, kissing boys, being in school, totoro

dislikes; being physically shaken, when people wear outside clothes in her bed, evasive friends

*jenn visiting for the boat party, may 23rd, 2010




throw back; bbq april 25th, 2009

mary and olga

graeme and brianna (bri lives in the uk now)

chicken legs

burgs and dogs

i had some more pictures that i wanted to post, but im still new to blogging, and rearranging the post a million times is getting irritating.

those are some pictures from a party i had the first year i was living on the boat. it's a good memory.

update on what i ended up doing tonight;

apparently spending too much time on the post, im not good at formatting. :/

i ate the banana. and an orange, and a perrier. it was all pretty awesome.

i opted for kindergarden cop! aids and i were watching it last night, we fell asleep. such a quotable movie.

im going to try to passout, after i find an outfit for tomorrow.

thank god.

olga and mary leaving k-mart, watevliet ny, august 2010



thank god spring is back.

thank god i have a camera.

last summer might not have been wonderful due to working like crazy only to incure more and more debt. seeing as 90% of my phone calls were from sound of red envelopes pillaging for repayment, stress levels were high. damn toronto's expensive.

however. thank GOD for cameras. thanks to this crafty little soul stealers i was able to repress the crap and capture the spectacular moments. spectacular to me at least.

things might not have really changed for the better, but i still have a camera. several actually. i should pay more attention to them. runon.

here we go

felizia @ woodbine beach, victoria day 2010

jenn & graeme, monarch park, may 23 2010

mary /w san pel, saratoga ny, aug. 2010

that's it for now.

xo